


Wildfire

by charliewrites



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6370567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliewrites/pseuds/charliewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Balthazar and Peter have a chat in the early hours of the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wildfire

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in 6 years so bear with me, but I was listening to the song 'Wildfire' by Marianas Trench and I couldn't get the idea out of my head.

Balthazar was usually pretty adamant about respecting other people’s privacy. He always made sure to knock and wait for a signal that it was okay for him to enter someone else’s room. And, in his defence, he had knocked softly on Peter’s door before going in. He knew Pete wouldn’t be there, though. Peter was never home at night anymore. On this particular night, the calendar said that he’d be at work.

It was 3:30am, dawn would be breaking soon, and Balth had been working on a history essay, going through a whole pot of coffee, before he frustratedly had crumpled up the paper and tossed it across the room. It just wasn’t working. His anxiety as well as the caffeine from the coffee caused his heart to beat so fast and violently that he could feel it against his chest – he could al-most see the T-shirt vibrate in the rhythm of his heartbeat when he looked down. 

He hadn’t exactly planned on going to Peter’s room. He’d meant to go to the kitchen to get some water and maybe a banana if they had any left. But before he could register what he was actually doing, his feet carried him to the closed door next to the kitchen. He knocked, not too loudly as to not wake Freddie, and half-heartedly waited for a response. Then he pushed open the door, telling himself that he just wanted to check if Pete had gotten home yet.

Pete’s room was the smallest of the flat, and Balth still felt bad that he hadn’t insisted more firmly that he should have it. Pete did not need a depressing, dark room on top of all his inner turmoil and Balth knew it. But Peter had argued that Balth needed the bigger space for his many instruments, and since Peter’s mental state was at the top of the list of Topics They Didn’t Talk About, Balthazar hadn’t been able to find a good enough counter argument. 

The curtains were drawn, the room shrouded in darkness, and it took Balth’s eyes a few mo-ments to adjust. It was stuffy, as if it had been a while since Pete had opened the window for longer than the time it took to sneak in or out of it. It probably had been. It also distinctly smelled of Peter, which wasn’t surprising – it was his room, after all – but it still made Balthazar’s chest feel tight.

Balth sighed and stepped into the room, looking around. There was a bottle half filled with something – probably alcohol of some sort – on the shelf, the sight of which sent a pang of sadness through Balth’s veins. 

Sighing deeply, he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. Why was Peter not home yet? Why did he have to work at a bar – a job that was excellent at covering for just how much he went out? Why wouldn’t he just talk to Balth about what was wrong? Why did he have to bring someone new home every night? Why did Balthazar _care_?

He pressed his palms to his eyes. He knew why. Ben knew why. A big chunk of the internet knew why. Hell, even Peter knew why. Anyone with eyes who’d seen Balthazar in the same room as Peter knew why Balth continued to care what Peter did and how he felt. He felt the hot prickling sensation of tears pressing on.

If he could just move on, get on with his life, like Pete obviously had. If he could just meet someone who made him forget about Pete. The thought made him laugh humourlessly. As if that was ever likely to happen. 

It didn’t help that Pete kept alternating between being Extremely Flirty and Ice Cold towards him. It felt like he actually wanted Balth to continue to pine for him, which was probably the most frustrating part of it all. He hated Pete for that. He hated himself for the fact that it was _actually working_.

He heaved a deep, shuddering breath and wiped the tears that had escaped. His heel hit some-thing under the bed that fell over with a clink. He reached down and picked it up – it was a bottle full of some sort of clear liquid. 

_Please be water_ , Balthazar thought as he unscrewed the lid. He sniffed it. Yep, that was definitely tequila. With a sad sigh he put the lid back on and stared at the bottle. Why was he doing this to himself? 

The front door opened, closed and locked. Fuck. Balth stood up, wiping his face with his hands again, setting down the bottle back under the bed. Panic flowed through him. There was no way he could exit the room without being seen. How the hell was he going to explain why he was in there? 

Before he could even begin to come up with an excuse that didn’t make him sound like the pining mess he was so eager to _not_ be Peter was in the doorway to his room, looking confused at Balthazar.

‘Balth?’ he asked, not moving. He looked tired, but he didn’t seem drunk. ‘You okay, man?’

Balthazar opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. He was no doubt looking like a deer caught in headlights. He dropped his gaze to Peter’s shoes. Looking in his eyes made it feel like Balthazar’s insides were on fire. 

Pete stepped into the room, towards Balthazar. Instinctively, Balthazar stepped back. He hugged himself, still looking down.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I’ll… I’ll just go’ Balthazar mumbled and walked past Peter who’d made room for him to be able to leave. But as he was passing Pete, Pete grabbed his wrist, stop-ping him in his tracks. He half-turned to look at Peter, his wrist was burning at Peter’s touch. 

‘You can talk to me. You know that, right?’ Peter asked, his eyes so full of earnestness that Balth almost believed him. 

‘Yeah, I know’ he lied and smiled weakly. ‘You can talk to me too’

Peter looked down. ‘I know’ he whispered, sounding just as convinced as Balthazar felt. He didn’t know what possessed him but he turned so that he was fully facing Peter.

‘So why don’t you?’ he asked, adrenaline pumping through his veins. ‘Talk to me’

‘For fuck’s sake, Balth’ Peter sighed, letting go of his wrist and running a frustrated hand through his hair. 

‘We’re supposed to be best friends, Pete’ his voice was hushed but firm.

‘We are!’ Peter said a little too loud. Balthazar shushed him, indicating at Freddie’s door which was visible from the open doorway. Peter sighed and went to close the door. He then indicated for Balth to take a seat on the bed, sitting down beside him. ‘We are, I just…’

‘I’m worried about you’ Balthazar said, pulling his knees up to his chin, staring at the wall.

‘You don’t need to’ Pete said in annoyance. 

‘Well, too bad, because I am and there’s nothing you can do about it’ Balthazar said sternly. It was out of character for him to be this straight forward but it was almost dawn, he was frustrated and the darkness made him feel bold. ‘I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. Go out and have as much sex as you want, drink as much as you want, as long as it makes you happy’

‘It does, okay?’ Pete said agitated. 

‘Does it, though?’ Balthazar asked and turned his head to look at Peter. He ignored the fire in his chest that flickered when Peter met his eyes. The sadness he found in those brown eyes stung more than ever. 

Peter was the one to break the eye contact, looking down at his hands that were lying in his lap. 

‘It will’ he mumbled almost too low for Balthazar to hear but he caught it. He let his legs slip down, turning slightly to get a good look at Peter’s face. 

‘What does _that_ mean?’ he asked, wanting to reach out and take Peter’s hand but opted against it. 

‘I just need to find myself. You know, after last year’s mess I just need to find out who I actually am’ Pete said, his eyes fixed on his hands. 

‘And you think you have to do that alone?’ Balthazar asked softly. 

Peter shrugged. There were a few moments of silence before Peter frowned down at his hands. 

‘What were you doing in my room in the middle of the night?’ he asked and looked at Balthazar who felt his face grow hot. He debated deflecting for a moment but decided against it since he had been the one to ask for an honest conversation. 

‘I don’t know’ he said with a sigh. ‘I guess I was stressed out and for some reason you’re still the first person I go to when I’m stressed’

He hadn’t realised it until the words were coming out of his mouth. Of course he knew the rea-son; he just didn’t want to give too much away. When Peter didn’t say anything, Balthazar looked up at him and found him staring at him with an intense look in his eyes. He couldn’t look away. 

Before he could process what was happening, Pete’s lips were on his, kissing him desperately. For a moment he let himself kiss him back, because holy shit Peter Donaldson was kissing him and it was everything and more than he’d ever dreamed. But then the context hit him hard and he pushed Peter away.

‘What the fuck, Peter?’ he asked a little louder than intended. Peter looked like a deer caught in headlights. ‘What the hell was that?’

‘Shit. Sorry. I’m so sorry, I just thought…’ Pete said, running a hand through his hair. 

‘I get that you’re lonely or whatever but that doesn’t mean I’ll be another notch in your belt!’ He’d lowered his voice but anger and hurt still bled through. 

‘What? No! Balthazar, I would never…’ Peter said, sighed and took Balthazar’s hands in his own. ‘You could never be that’

Balthazar’s heart was pounding against his ribcage. He could still feel the sensation of Peter’s soft lips against his own. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him again. But he had to stand his ground. 

‘You said you didn’t want to be someone’s boyfriend’ Balth said quietly, bitterness staining his words. He thought about those words every day. 

‘I changed my mind’ Peter said intertwining his fingers in Balth’s, and Balthazar had to take a deep breath to not be too distracted. There was still a part of him screaming to run for the hills. 

‘Don’t say that’ he whispered.

‘Why not?’

‘Because’ Balthazar started, looking into Peter’s eyes. ‘What if you change it again?’

He tried to steady his breathing and make the lump that had formed in his throat go away. The doubts screamed at him that Pete was probably just going to ignore this in the morning, leaving Balth crushed beyond repair. He was sure that this would kill him if Peter wasn’t in it for the long haul. 

Peter squeezed his hand.

‘That’s not going to happen’ he said. He sounded so sure, it made the little flicker of hope in Balth stir. 

‘How can you be sure, though?’ he asked, wanting so badly for Pete to be right. 

‘Because I’ve spent the past few months trying and it’s just not happening’ Peter said, looking down.

‘Why did you…?’ was all Balthazar could get out. Pete looked up at him again, sadness once again in his eyes. 

‘I’m not good enough for you, Balthy. You deserve so much better’ he said it with such profound sadness that all Balth wanted to do was envelop him in a long, warm hug. But he stayed put. ‘But as much as I’ve tried not to be, I’m in love with you’

Balthazar stopped breathing for a moment. Was this actually happening? Had Peter just said those words? He felt like his whole body was on fire, the butterflies migrated from his chest to every inch of his body. He leaned in to meet Peter’s lips in a sweet kiss. 

Peter put his arms around Balth’s waist, pulling him closer. Balthazar had one hand on the back of Peter’s neck. His other hand was clutching at Pete’s shirt, holding on for dear life. He could feel Peter’s heart beating just as fast as his own.

When they pulled away they were still close enough for their lips to brush against each other. They were both beaming and both were a little breathless. Peter brought a hand up to caress Balthazar’s cheek. He kissed him again, moving for them to lie down – Balth on his back with Peter hovering over him. Balthazar ran his hands through Peter’s hair, revelling in the feeling of it and the fact that he could do it after fantasising about it close to a million times. 

When Peter pulled away again, he had a fond look on his face. He seemed to be taking in every single tiny detail of Balth’s face. Balthazar took the opportunity to do the same and let himself properly look at Peter for the first time in a very long time. His smile was faltering and Balthazar caressed his cheek with his thumb but there was a fondness remaining in his eyes that melted Balthazar’s insides. 

‘You are good enough for me, you know’ Balth said, breaking the silence. ‘I love you’

A smile broke out all over Peter’s face. ‘I love you too. So, so much’

‘Good’ Balth smiled into the kiss that Peter was leaning down for. The feel of his hands in Balth’s hair was so amazing; he involuntarily let out a breathy moan.

Peter pulled back to a moment, a question and a fire in his eyes. Balth pulled him back down for a more urgent kiss than before, pressing his body against Pete’s. Pete responded enthusias-tically, running a hand down Balth’s stomach and splayed his hand out underneath his shirt.

They went at a slow pace, taking the time to revel in being able to touch each other. Neither of them was in a hurry, and as dawn broke outside Pete’s window, Balthazar didn’t think he’d ever been happier. 

-

Balthazar woke up to something soft being pressed against his forehead. He registered the warm presence of strong arms wrapped around him, fingers running up and down his arm. He smiled as he slowly remembered where he was and who he was with. He opened his eyes to find Peter smiling fondly at him. 

‘Good morning’ Balth said and yawned. The room wasn’t exactly bright – the curtains were still closed. He didn’t know how long they’d been sleeping but he could hear someone shuffling about in the kitchen. 

‘Good morning, boyfriend’ Peter said. Balth buried his face in the crook of Peter’s neck to hide his blush and enormous smile that the word ‘boyfriend’ solicited. 

‘What time is it?’ he asked, turning his head a little so his voice wasn’t muffled by Peter’s skin. He started running lazy circles across Peter’s chest just because he could. 

’11. You hungry? Wanna get some breakfast?’ Peter asked but made no move to get out of bed. In fact he tightened his grip around Balth.

‘Nah, I’m good for now’ Balthazar said, leaning up to kiss Peter, his hand moving from his chest to the back of his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed that! It was certainly an experience getting back into writing fanfiction.


End file.
